PANDEMIC DIARY

A “MOO”-T POINT
February 24, 2021

On January 6, Prime Minister Narendra Modi of India, revealed that candidates for a challenging university entry exam would have to read a 54-page booklet, learn and memorize all the facts and figures related to the various properties of India’s cows, know as “gaumata”. Properties such as: emotions, intelligence, wisdom, usefulness and physical features. Intended to venerate their national species of bovines, Prime Minister Modi went on to compare his country’s cows to New Jersey Gurnsey cows which he called” dirty, lazy and emotionless creatures who sit idly all day and are prone to diseases because they’re unhygienic.” He also made public statements like:

“Whenever any unknown person comes near desi cow, she will immediately stand,” the booklet said. “The jersey cow, however, displays no emotions.” 

“Indian cows maintain hygiene, [are] hardy and clever enough not to sit at dirty places,”

“Jersey cows are known to be very lazy and highly prone to diseases. It has also been seen that they attract infection by not being hygienic enough.”

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Members of Modi’s cabinet and government took exception to these childish and empty-headed assertions. They accused Modi of misappropriating the cow, held in esteem as a religious icon, for political purposes.

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I thought this subject perfect fodder for the limerick:

How sacred was Lord Krishna’s cow
On knees to bovine did he bow
On the highest placed rung
Revered even their dung
Which is why they were never his chow.

Prime Minister Modi, of India
Who’s religion is thoroughly Hindia
Declared “our cow’s smarter”
Venerated their farta
Then himself let loose with some windia.

PANDEMIC DIARY

PIECES OF A MARRIAGE
February 15, 2021

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Adele and I exchanged Valentine’s Day cards. I thanked Adele for ‘seeing’ me; Adele thanked me for my patience. In my card was written, “I couldn’t ask for anything better than loving and being loved by you”. Adele’s card read, “I couldn’t ask for a better man to share this amazing adventure with.” These sentiments, however truly felt and experienced, overlook (intentionally so for this occasion) exactly what goes in to making a marriage work. In every marriage each party endures. Marriage endures. In this Sunday’s New York Times, under the caption of '“Modern Love” was an article by Michelle White in which she describes a time during the pressures of the Covid pandemic when her husband felt he could no longer take it and “packed a suitcase and a brown paper bag of food and moved into an Airbnb some two miles away.” She describes how her “quarter-century-long marriage was faltering”. Remember, this column is called Modern Love. And, so, to absolve you of any projection and pain I will tell you at the outset that on Day 109 after Jason, her husband left, they had resolved their issues and were reunited in their home.

“We had stood on the edge, teetered and stumbled. When he had wanted to jump, I’d pull him back. When I stepped forward, he grabbed me. Ultimately, we held hands, each keeping the other from falling until we could turn around and choose each other again. We have learned enough to know that the cliff is always there, and that to love is to choose and keep choosing.”

Each morning Adele and I select some classical music piece to listen to while we have coffee, do the puzzles, read the paper and latest news, etc. Yesterday, I came across the album from the movie “Pieces of a Woman”, music composed by genius Howard Shore, who composed the music for The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. The music is stunning: romantic, melodic, turbulent, pensive and moving. Its highs and lows, its ins and outs reminded me, on this Valentine’s Day, of all that we in love go through to preserve and hold onto that love.

Love is never a straight line. (Neither does a straight line exist in nature) It’s not a direct flight with no stopovers. Marriage is never easy even as it is rewarding; never the same and never predictable. And, clearly, even though we may be at it for a long time, it takes work until the end. It takes ‘seeing’ the other person, as well as patience. As Adele said, many years ago, “Commitment is its own reward”. We have to be willing to choose that each day.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL

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PANDEMIC DIARY

DO YOU HAIKU?
February 11, 2021

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A haiku is traditionally a Japanese poem consisting of three short lines that do not rhyme. The origins of haiku poems can be traced back as far as the 9th century. A haiku is considered to be more than a type of poem; it is a way of looking at the physical world and seeing something deeper, like the very nature of existence. The standard format is counted in “mora” or units considered like syllables except in Japanese the intonations translate to differences in the classic 5-7-5 structure, as used here. Typically, the first two lines express two different related ideas. The third line might refer to nature, seasonal attributes, or spiritual abstractions. I have utilized, as well, ideas relating to the pandemic and experiences and thoughts related to our current circumstance. Haiku should leave the reader with a strong feeling or impression. Have you ever written a Haiku? Maybe you want to give it a try?

  1. Wake up to sunlight
    Take endless walks…endlessly
    Wander not of heart.

  2. I hold her hand near
    Did I disinfect with wipes?
    April’s showers bring…

  3. Religious fervor
    Sweet mustard barbecue sauce
    Get them while you can.

  4. Politicians lie
    Comedians make us laugh
    A three-humped Camel.

  5. Disease, death, and doom
    Do not inhale; only exhale
    Feel the ocean’s spray.

  6. Valentine’s Day soon
    Roses display Love’s layers
    How little time left.

  7. Two plus two is four.
    At times it does not add up.
    The maze has us choose.

  8. Jesus is Saviour
    Life is but a Purple Rain
    Apple Crumb Donuts.

  9. Raspberry preserves
    Little seeds caught between teeth
    Rinse, gargle, and spit.

  10. Pump air in your tires
    Dreaming of a White Pizza
    Naught’s perfectly round.

  11. Ocean’s rolling waves
    Dolphins jolly leaping. Splash!
    Silence churns beneath.

PANDEMIC DIARY

DID YOU ASK FIRST?
February 6, 2021

DID YOU ASK, FIRST?

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Did you ask, first?
Did you think beyond
what you wanted…to bear?
Precedence is not a presumption
of right; the right stolen from
those who cannot choose;
the yet to be, who you say
represent our future
stolen from their bliss.

Did you ask, first?
Do you think it my desire to be involuntarily
pressed into reincarnation’s
suffering cycles plucked from
Excellent Eternal Freedom,
prodded, pulsated and
pushed through cramped, constricted
canals, inverted, slapped, squeezed,
and shocked from timeless
black into brazen light.

Whose interests did the
doctor hold in her hands?
For whose life were precautions
provided? Whose cries were louder?
Whose pleas?
Not the voiceless.
I certainly was not consulted.
I knew from the start Mother’s limbic
milk upset my better euphoria.

Is knowing so superior to Being’s bloom?
The pomegranate did not abet the Fall.
Can’t beauty exist without description?
Do we need to abduct eternity’s future?
In the end, what do we really know?
What end does life speak to?
What life does death substantiate?
Life is a mythology that only death defines.

Thankfully, there has been wet
dog kisses; the shimmering of dew dappled
grass fields; the lapping of burbling
brooks; jungle orchids crazy varieties;
puddles to plunge in; and, mud
to conspire with to
anger parental authorities.
Poop is always good for
a laugh since they never
thought to ask.


PANDEMIC DIARY

AMANDA GORMAN
January 21, 2021

Maybe this is a male thing. For that I sincerely apologize. I have neither been proficient or clever enough at screening my feelings. Nor do I embarrass readily, leaving others to ‘opinionize’ and struggle with issues of political and social correctness. It is not that I am shameless, rather I think I may say things that others think but won’t say. This is a case in point. Amanda Gorman. It is not that I did not hear her heart first and foremost. It is not that I wasn’t struck by her easy intelligence or moved by her profound social insights. I was aware, who could not be, that Ms. Gorman represents the best of a poetic experience - lyrical, articulate, logical, musical, engaging and building crescendo-like to a worthy and memorable climax. All that is true.

But, never hearing of her; never having heard her name spoken; never having seen her; never having watched her ‘perform’, it was love at first sight. Ms. Gorman vibrated vibrancy; a youthful (not naive) sense of hope; a vision, not dispersed or scattered, rather collected and formulated foreseeable. Her graceful gestures of hands rolled like water; her rhythm galloped like Queen’s horses; her ability to soften the emphatic and emphasize the enduring. All these qualities of a life lived, not one yet to be lived; of a life’s worth of experience, not mere experience that informs life to come. Gorman is a phenomenon. Able to learn from the works of Langston Hughes, Nikki Giovanni, Robert Hayden, Phyllis Wheatley, Lin Manuel Miranda and deliver to the beat of a ‘poetry slam’. She delivered generations of suffering in a golden goblet of words poised on the silken cloth of time.

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Dare I say she is beautiful? May I say that? Of course I can…and will. Her face lights up with grace and hope. Her enthusiasm is polished. Her bows filled with humility and gratitude. All this appropriately distracts from her driving ambition, an aspiration to be of service, to see justice done so that justice…just is. Her possibilities excited me to no end. Kamala Harris had to wait and oblige the power structure for so many years to become “the first” - the first female Vice-President; the first Asian-American Vice-President; the first Black Vice-President. And here, at 22 years, Amanda Gorman is the first Youth National Poet Laureate.

What can I say? I am a sucker for beauty in all its forms. And, shame on me for falling heads over heels for her smile, her warmth and generosity. I will look forward to more of her work. I hope to watch her grow and contribute. To see what more she has in store.

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PANDEMIC DIARY

A NEW DAY
January 19, 2021

This is the last day of Trump’s presidency. (lower case intentional) On the evening of election day for the Georgia Senate seats, I stayed up as late as I was able until my physical exhaustion collided with my emotional unease as it appeared more than likely that the final outcome of the Georgia Senate Race would not be finalized until the early morning hours. Despite my respect and affection for Steve Kornacki, the brilliant and lovably frenetic statistician/analyst on MSNBC, I could no longer parse the numbers in a manner that informed me with any confidence of the outcome of these races. However, the last thing I remember watching was the image of a brightly jacketed, cap-wearing James Carville who entrances with his political savvy and succulent Southern drawl, effectively declaring the race over and the forecast that the Dems would win both seats. That assured projection, like a child’s lullaby, lulled me to sleep.

As we all know now, both Warnock and Osoff won those seats and provided a sweeter taste to what might have been a very bitter cup of coffee that morning. Still, even that early news was not nearly as sweet as today. I just finished watching the ceremony President-to-be Joe Biden requested as his last formal act before becoming President of the United States - an observance of the over 400,000 Americans who died from the Covid-19 pandemic. It was, I sense in keeping with the values of the man, a quiet commemoration in which a humble nurse from Detroit, Michigan sang Amazing Grace and Joe Biden delivered a brief and heartfelt message to the family’s and friends of love ones who died from this wretched contagion. Then, alongside the Lincoln Reflecting Pool, 400 candles were lit each representing 1,000 lost souls whose lives were brightly shimmering in the water, like the glimmer of a comforting memory.

Today will also be a time of reflection. Inauguration Day. There is normally a passing of a symbolic baton, the baton of democracy, of a peaceful transition, the baton of continuity, and the baton of unity. This administration has dropped the baton, stepped on, demeaned, cursed, defiled and abused it. In a way, it is appropriate and fitting that the ‘orangeman’ will not be attending the Inauguration. There is nothing I can think of that he has accomplished, no words that he has spoken, no gesture he has made, no morality he has displayed, no ethics he has lived by that I would wish to be passed on. May his non-attendance be a full and complete break with this past.

I extend to our newly elected team, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, my very best wishes for a successful four years. May the United States of America once again work for common cause - peace, justice, equality and prosperity for all.

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PANDEMIC DIARY

WHAT IS EXPECTED OF ME?
January 12, 2021

A PINT OF EFFORT

What is expected of me?
What feelings merit your attention?
Do you have any attention to give?
What’s gotten us here in the first place?

I hesitate saying I am more right than you?
Your insanity is not an excuse for ignorance?
Neither is ignorance any excuse for delusion?
In any case, doesn’t Truth still matter?

What do you need to be convinced?
Will my understanding you alienate?
Will my opposition make you violent?
Must I believe what you believe?

Who is manipulating you as you claim?
What is the nature of your oppression?
You already carry a loaded gun.
Would you be more secure with a mortar?

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Do you think they are on your side?
Have you noticed how they use and then turn on each other?
Is it your impression you will never be betrayed?
Will you only learn after they have forsaken you?

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You speak endlessly about religion, don’t you?
You do know that we are a secular nation of laws?
Is anyone preventing you from practicing your faith?
Or, must your God, alone, speak for all of us?

Any chance we can get to know one another?
Yes. I am Jewish. Yes. I grew up in New York City.
Yes. I voted for Hilary. Yes. I supported Colin Kaepernick.
I’ll take that as a No!

What choices do we have, you and I?
Yes. I do believe reparations are appropriate.
Yes. Every person in the U.S. has the right to a vote.
Our opportunities appear to be fading rapidly.

I am curious what occurs after the burning and looting and killing?
Do you possess a plan following the violent overthrow?
Who amongst you will lead and will you become just like them?
Can you conceive of a coalition of evangelicals, white supremacists, and fascists?

Tell me, what kind of beer do you usually order?
IPA’s are my preference also. New England or
West Coast? Oh. Well, what difference does it make?
You mean…Oh, come on…I really can’t buy you a beer?

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PANDEMIC DIARY

LIKE FATHER; LIKE SON
January 7, 2021

“Daddy, daddy, come here”

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“What is it, Donnie. Is everything OK”

“Look, daddy” (Donnie points to the toilet, while daddy looks inside)

“Donnie, that’s marvelous. You should be so proud of yourself. Is that all yours”? (Donnie nods) Well, remember that. No one else can create what you create. When it comes out well, let the world know about it. And, when it doesn’t come out so well, flush the toilet and get rid of it so no one sees it. Do you understand me, Donald?”

“Oh, yes daddy. Did I do good daddy”

“You did better than good. That is the greatest poop I have ever seen. Everything you do is the greatest, Donny. Don’t ever forget that”

“OK, daddy. I won’t.” (Donnie shows some doubt)

(seeing the doubt on Donnie’s face)

“What’s wrong, son”

“Well, daddy…it’s just shit”

“Ahh. I see. You think that your shit is just like everyone else’s”

“I just thought…”

“Stop right there, son. Your shit is like no one else’s in the whole wide world. And, you will realize that when you get a little older. You will be one of just a few men who the world will come to know as the greatest “shitters” that ever lived. You are a Trump. And, Trump shit don’t smell”

“Smells to me, daddy”

“But, that’s the sweet smell of greatness. Smell it again. But, this time smell it and say to yourself, “There can be nothing less than the best coming out of me. That it starts with a little shit and gets shittier over time. Now, smell it again, Donnie”

“It smells different, daddy”

“Of course it does, Donnie. And, one day you will take a shit on the whole world. People will know you far and wide. They will say, ‘Here comes that shit, now”. Many people will want to be a part of your shit. You will let them. But, if your shit starts to smell to them, just get rid of them. Curse them. Blame them. Then, without warning or hesitation, look them in the eye and tell them in no uncertain terms, “YOU’RE FIRED!” The rest of those followers can be allowed to hang on and tag along so later when you get in trouble for shit you’ve done, you will always have someone on hand to blame for that shit.”

(Donnie face begins to cringe in pain)

“What’s wrong, son. Do you not believe in what I am telling you?

“That’s not it, daddy.”

“Then, what is it Don?”

“I have to make more poop, daddy. And, this time it will be even greater than the last.”

“That’s my boy! I’ll stand right here by your side. Like father…like son.”

“No, daddy. I can make this shit up all by myself. No one can shit things up like me, daddy. I think people from every country will know me as the greatest shithead ever. Daddy?”

“Yes, Donnie”

“I want to shit up the world”.

“You will, Donnie. You most certainly will.”

PANDEMIC DIARY

MANATEES
January 1, 2021

Manatees are large, fully aquatic, mostly herbivorous marine mammals. They carry with them the uncomplimentary moniker of ‘sea cows’, which in this age of political correctness offends both the manatees and half the human population. What they have lost in the pantheon of God’s incredible diversity they have gained in copious measures of lovableness. It may be that when so much of everything is so very wrong that once patched together everything seems so sympathetically right. The manatees appearance immediately invokes mercy, the feeling that, like for the rest of us, life isn’t exactly fair. The manatee’s snout is huge and flattened as if it rammed into sea window. Its eyes are set on either side of its head, which assists in its seeing peripherally with acute awareness. But the manatees head is indistinguishable from its blimp-like body, so its nostrils look like where its eyes should be. Hair grows all over, so its elephantine skin looks like an all-over scalp. It moves by flapping its fins which are its legs. Or, are they legs that look like fins. In either case, its paddles are up front and struggle in dog paddle fashion to move its lagging body like a bus with the two rear wheels missing.

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In all respects, manatees might be the stuff of nightmares were they in any way threatening. Yet, they are sympathetic. The original ‘gentle giants’, they are curious, friendly, and enjoy human interaction. I am reminded of Gary, a social reject in high school because of his size. Gary was a large person. Overwieght. Oh, the hell with social correctness; he was a fat boy…ginormous. Likely, in the background of his life, there was some trauma leading to an emotional blindspot, a psychological emptiness and a resulting drive to ‘fill’ himself. Whatever the cause of his enormity, Gary was sensitive and warm and trustworthy. He envied the popular kids for their social skills and wanted to be part of, if only on the periphery, a circle of friends on the “in”. But, Gary, sadly, would never be admitted “in”.

Or, so you would think. Gary might have been experiencing turmoil inside, but on the outside even if he was not ‘in’, he was never alone. Girls loved Gary. Girls flocked to Gary. Maybe Gary was not a threat or didn’t place unreasonable, uncomfortable demands on his gal friends. But, he was, by all appearances, popular and well-liked by the “hottest babes” in the school., who seemed to be intimate with him. He never appeared depressed, sorrowful, or on the ‘out’, because he was always surrounded by some of the most attractive girls in the high school. Not an oddity who invoked pity or compassion, Gary was self-composed and knew how to mix with the opposite sex. So, even as he desired to be accepted by the most popular boys, those same boys wanted to know what Gary’s secret was. The “in crowd” ended up crowding around Gary in order to hang with the girls.

Manatees are kind of like the Gary’s of the Sea. They remain by themselves receiving no invitations by the densely popular “schools” of fish to join in their coordinated, syncopated swaying since they sadly could never replicate the sequences. Spending their time alone, wallowing in warm seawaters until temperatures rise making it dangerously warm, they then paddle into the inlets for its cooler waters. While settling near and around the pylons of the pier they are observed by guests at the Manatee Visitors Center in Apollo, Florida who also can enter a tank and swim with the big guys. Here, the manatees seem truly in their element. All of a sudden, its the fish that are on the ‘outs’, all attention bequeathed to the manatees.

Gary and I were not exactly friends. Gary showed signs of liking me. He would walk up to me, oddly from behind, as if we were in mid-conversation. I was averse to this surprise attack of public familiarity. I confess, I’m not sure I was brave enough to reciprocate even if I were inclined to do so. It’s not as if the cost to myself would be high, since I was not in the ‘in’ crowd either. But, did I wish, like a rip-tide, to be washed, adrift, further out from the communal portion of sea? No. That’s why I became a politician. I, too, wanted to be liked. But, whereas, Gary discovered a social niche, I attempted to remain above the fray and talk my way into acceptance with smug aloofness and superiority. Not a great plan. I was a part of the socially disenfranchised who the world of high schoolers so cruelly dismissed because of some errant personality quirk or conspicuous physical attribute.

I decided to run for President of the General Organization (G.O.), the schools student-body congress, as it were. This is where petitions were submitted, laws were made and passed, announcements were delivered over the loud speaker, and intermediaries assigned to talk with teachers about complaints and demands. (Of course, complaining got you nowhere and demands were a full stop) My election platform was instituting a weekly school dance. On stage I attempted to present myself with confidence while the other candidates stood there like they were in a police lineup. When called upon, instead of starting my spiel , I began dancing the Lindy Hop (without a partner) and asked the question, “Who wants a place to be with your friends on Friday evenings? Let’s have a weekly dance.”

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I would win going away, however, not without serious consequences. The next day on my way to class a group of guys whose names reflected the Bronx in the 1960”s, Blacky, Apollo, Blaze and, most assuringly, Killer came up to me representing the Castle Hill Avenue Gang. They told me that they all got together and decided to vote for me. There was a proviso. If I didn’t get that weekly dance they would have it in for me. “D’jou got that?” Yeah, I got it. I nearly shit in my pants. Now, what do I do? Mr. Paul Frum, teacher advisor to the G.O. had already told me following my onstage performance that it was highly unlikely the school district would ever approve such a plan because of the cost and the requirements that teachers would need to be assigned as observers. “But maybe we can add a dance halfway through the term?” Maybe. Yeah.

My very existence was on the line when it suddenly came to me. Make it so if my platform promise cannot be met, it won’t be my fault. I went right back to the gang members and told them, “I have a great idea”.

“Hey, Blacky, why don’t you represent the student body and make the case for a dance every week. The teachers might listen to you. We can go together. Suggest that kids that no place to go and just hang out getting into trouble and that the dance would be a good place to bring gang members together instead of fighting in the streets.”

It was brilliant. Blacky wore his faux leather jacket with his collar up and used his best Bronx English doing everything a human being could possibly do to dismantle any hope of a weekly dance other than bringing a coffin, hammer and nails to the meeting. A week later, Mr Frum announced that along with the year-end dance there would be a dance at the end of the first school term and before the Chanukah and Christmas holidays break.

I was a hero. Blacky and the gang thought it was so cool that, “Blacky represent. Yeah” We didn’t get all that I had aspired to. I was still not part of the in crowd. But Gary and I started talking to one another. And, I had a new ‘gang’ of admirers.

Nothing like working your way up in the world.

PANDEMIC DIARY

DOES IT FOR ME
DECEMBER 29, 2020

Adele and I leave for the beach on Thursday morning. More specifically, we are headed to Siesta Key, a miles long, fine white-sand slip of island, a short ride across a bridge from the mainland City of Sarasota, Florida.

SIESTA KEY

SIESTA KEY

ORCHARD BEACH, BRONX NEW YORK

ORCHARD BEACH, BRONX NEW YORK

I was thinking what it was about the beach that so moves me. I have always loved the beach. When I was in my early teens, my friends and I would head out to Orchard Beach in the Bronx. We used to jokingly cough up the name of the beach, “Horseshit Beach” as a joke. But, as public beaches went in the 1940’s and 1950’s, Orchard Beach was luxurious. What did we know? Yes, people used to smoke and not even bother to bury their cigarette butts. And, yes, it was the time of the “Boom Boxes” and you could hardly escape the loud thumping of the bass lines. It most definitely was crowded. During high season it was not uncommon for stretches of the beach to be fully quilted with blankets right up next to one another in a crazy patchwork of colors that made walking to the water nearly impossible without stepping onto someone else’s blanket or accidentally kicking sand onto someone’s prone body. Still, were were not detracted or turned away. To my friends and I, it earned its claim as “The Riviera of the Bronx” with pride.

“The beach is not a place to work; to read, write or to think.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

At the time, I was dating Cynthia Miller.. She was the love of my teenage life. We were together all the time. Then, the summer came. We were in high school, and my underdeveloped body (I couldn’t find my biceps) could not go one on one with the Adonis-like builds and well-oiled tanned older guys, who seemed to live at the beach when they weren’t working. With skin like mahogany, cool friends, and money folded to fit in those tiny pockets of their bathing suits, they nestled in pose under “invitation-only” umbrellas that the feminine specie gravitated to and were too much for me to compete with. I lost Cynthia to the sea…and an extremely good looking young man who became a NYC police officer.

Historical records indicate that ‘vacationing at the beach’ was not really a concept until the late 1700’s in Europe. Due to road construction and improved means of transportation it simply became easier to get to the sea. However, there is also evidence that the ancient Greeks enjoyed lying on sandy shores, which in Greece were readily available given island life. This story about Diogenes the Cynic reveals some light as to their delight:

Alexander the Great was coming through Corinth to gather the Greeks for his invasion of Persia. While there he saw Diogenes on the beach. Diogenes had a reputation for being the happiest man in the world. Alexander came to him and offered to give Diogenes anything he desired if he would join the fight. Diogenes asked only for Alexander to step aside, he was blocking the sun.

As you can see [below], images from 5th century frescos from Paestum shows a youth jumping from what appears to be a diving tower. There is also literary evidence for occasional swimming races. Plato considered a man who didn’t know how to swim the same as an uneducated man. Aristotle thought that swimming in the sea is better for the health than swimming in lakes and rivers. He was also in favor of cold water over warm.

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Going to the beach might not have been convenient for our distant relatives, neither had it a place in antiquarian vacation planning, but man’s/woman’s relationship with the sea and shore shows a historic respect for what pleasures it provides.

Nothing profound here. Simply saying how much we are looking forward to getting to our place and to say Bon Voyage. My next communication will be from Siesta Key. Let’s all be safe and smart in these last days of this pandemic. That is my wish for all this New Year’s. Oh, yes, one more thing. Here’s to a
Warnock and Ossoff sweep. Fingers crossed.

“In every out-thrust headland, in every curving beach, in every grain of sand there is the story of the earth.” Rachel Carson

PANDEMIC DIARY

HAIR TODAY; GONE TOMORROW?
DECEMBER 26, 2020

There is a recent phenomena occurring having to do with hair. Women are getting their hair cut less frequently. Men are growing their hair, intentionally. Covid is preventing women from getting their hair cut as they wish; whereas, men are allowing their hair to grow and choosing not to cut their hair. Has Covid inspired the “caveman” in us guys. After all, we are stuck in our abodes. Granted, our ‘caves’ have heating and plumbing. We have home delivery and ‘curbside pickup’. We have Netflix and Hulu and Prime. And, we can take walks around the neighborhood without the threat of a Woolly Mammoth (which possessed quite a hair growth) chasing us over bone-strewn plains.

So, what explains this development? A CEO of a billion-dollar publicly traded firm recently noted that he’s conscious of trying to recapture a little bit of his youth. There seems evidence that older men face more health issues and worse outcomes from this home-bound isolation. Maybe hair growth reminds them of a time less grim.

Some men are reporting that they are relating to their children differently. Virtual visits keep the headshot in prime focus. Their kid’s hair is front and center. Growing hair makes it more likely to relate to your kids who themselves likely had already let their hair grow longer. It adds to a more mature male’s “cool” factor. Other men report that letting their hair grow is like stepping on the gas pedal. It gives a sense of movement to life, as if you are moving on or keeping up. To what, I am not sure. At least, where the last four years have felt static, one can perceive that they are forward moving.

For some of us, this is a literal return to former days. At fourteen, I attended Judo classes in Greenwich Village in New York. Traveling on my own to Broadway and 8th Street, I would walk to Washington Square Park and watch the men and women play chess on concrete table with inset chess boards; or attend local chess tournaments at the Village Chess Club;

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I would walk in and out of the streets becoming part of the ‘hippie generation’; at 15, I would go to ‘Cafe Wha?’ in the late afternoon for poetry reading;

Cafe Reggio for an expresso; at 17, I would slip into Marie’s Crisis in the evening, a gay bar with a piano where the room filled early with actors and singers and the evenings passed singing show tunes into the wee hours. If the picture makes this look like fun, I can assure you it was even more fun than it looks.

Witnessing a young Bob Dylan at The Bitter End;

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Nina Simone at The Fillmore East and Richie Havens at The Cafe Au Go Go;

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more poetry readings at The Gaslight Cafe and Cafe Why Not?; smoking weed on the corner of MacDougal Street and Minetta Lane;

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and, then when I was of drinking age, I would commune with the intelligentsia at The White Horse Tavern where Dylan Thomas held court in the early 50’s.

Twice a year, I would roam a village perimeter, spending hours at the Bi-annual Greenwich Village Art Show; and greeting shop owners I knew from the frequency of my visits.

Then, there were the protests and the advocacies - against the Vietnam War and for the use of Marijuana.

My life seemed to revolve around opposition and proposition. I met Allan Ginsburg during one protest event and, out of admiration that bordered on idolatry, at the age of fourteen, followed he and his friends to the Gas Light Cafe, the first cafe to hold poetry readings and a major hangout of the Beat Generation leadership;

The Village became a second home to me. I was an integral part of something so big and vital and important. It seemed as if at every turn there was the sound of a drumbeat or the strumming of a guitar.

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Music was indispensable to our activities. The anger, frustration, hardness and violence we experienced could all be expressed in music. Indoors at cafes you could expect a guitar playing picking at his guitar sitting on a stool; outside at a cafe, don’t be surprised if there was a jazz saxophonist playing on the corner for pennies.

Hair was who we were. Hair is what identified us. Hair forced a Broadway musical to be written. The Hell’s Angels grew their hair long and tied in pony tails. Women danced nearly nude in the fountains of Washington Square Park, their heads tilted back in transcendental-like swooning while their hair swung in long arcs. Hair was natural. It appeared everywhere on the body. Men showed off their hair. Women, in defiance, let their underarm hairs grow and let their legs grow hair. Hair was defiance. Hair was strength. Hair was power.

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Each strand of my hair is a memory.

I am building a new relationship with my hair.

PANDEMIC DIARY

“ANNUS HORRIBILLIS”

December 25, 2020

{Inspired by the Daily Stoic]

A woman, over 2,000 years ago today, alone, frightened and frail, in a small outlying village within the Roman Empire, hobbled her way to a stable to give birth to a child whom she placed in a manger. 150 years ago, a war of citizen soldiers was fought as one side sought to free their fellow man and in the dank, snow-driven trenches below the level of the mayhem of battle celebrated Christmas. Nearly one century ago, a depression of unequaled financial ruin befell a nation throwing its citizens into untold poverty, dire hunger, and desperation. Yet, around the world, even those most perilously in need cobbled together shards food and necessities to give hope to their families and children. In 2017, Adele and I climbed the tower at the corner of Ackerstrasse and Bernauerstrasse in Berlin, the location of the line between the American and Soviet sectors where over 50 years ago armed Soviet forces patrolled residential streets threatening arrest or torture or worse to those who dared to commemorate the birth of those who believed in the Savior. And, today, we are, in a modern way and due to a modern pandemic, patched together, fabricating as best we can some semblance of evidence of our strength and belief in our humanity and the power of our will to keep ourselves safe and whole and not disintegrate into despair.

Is there anything we can learn, anything we can do to have the virus magically go away. Is there a unity of purpose that can unite us, healing our differences, permitting a clear path to solidarity? Can we be assured of a brighter tomorrow.

Actually, no.

That would be highly unrealistic.

SENECA

SENECA

But, all is not lost. Let us look to Seneca. Born in the same year as Jesus, who lived in another distant province of Rome and who turned out to be an equally great thinker, influential philosopher and eloquent orator, who would say that just as fire tests gold, misfortune tries brave men. Here are some quotes that are suitable to our times and circumstance:

“You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”

“Constant misfortune brings this one blessing: to whom it always assails, it eventually fortifies."

"Two elements must therefore be rooted out once for all, - the fear of future suffering, and the recollection of past suffering; since the latter no longer concerns me, and the former concerns me not yet."

As we approach the close of this '“annus horribillis”, we wonder what is in store for us in 2021? Will we survive the pandemic? Can we restore government that is honest and transparent? Will we be able to move about our communities, visit with family and friends and travel to far-off places? Although we cannot know the answers, we know the principles of a lives well-lived, the only realistic way to bring about peaceful resolution in these contentious times, to model the behavior you desire. To live the love we all wish to feel. To be patient and wise. To be true to yourself. To act with courage on behalf of Truth. To continually discover beauty in small things. To be of service to others. To hear what others mean rather than what they are saying, as difficult as that may be. And, always be grateful because there is always something to be grateful for.

HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY AND A HEALTHY NEW YEAR.

PEACE ALL.

PANDEMIC DIARY

COMPETITION VS. COOPERATION
December 12, 2020

In last Sunday’s NY Times (Dec. 6) Suzanne Simard has written a marvelous article on ‘The Social Life of Forests’. Let me say at the outset, I do not wish to engage in ontological discourses and debates about sentience and what consciousness is or is not. Not at this time. I do not wish this because the forests are places of wonder where the natural world appears to take on and act with awareness. What that awareness is, is anybody’s guess.

Her theories, aggressively rejected by her community of scientists who, and this will not surprise you, was made up of elderly white men or young, ambitious white men seeking to occupy the places of the aging ones. Along comes this brilliant, curious individual, raised in Canada’s “old-growth” forests whose research took her in a direction that was about a 180 degree turn from acknowledged, accepted, and bequeathed science that she was minimally scoffed at or dismissed. But, she persisted rejecting the advise of her male peers, [“Why don’t you study growth and yield?”] believing instead “the forest was more than a collection of trees”.

Simard, over the past 40 years has gone on to change our understanding of the relationships between trees, the earth around it, and the ground beneath it. She, early on, observed that where loggers clear cut sections of forest, taking with the trees upturned soil and underbrush, the newly planted saplings and trees, with no competition and contrary to the assumption that they would thrive, were found to be more vulnerable to disease and climactic stress than the crowded old-growth trees. These saplings had open space, area to grow, and plenty of sun. Why were they so frail?

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Simard turned her attention to what was happening underground. What she unearthered was buried in the soil - an underground partnership between trees and fungi known as mycorrhizas - threadlike fungi that “envelop and fuse with tree roots, helping them extract water and nutrients in exchange for some of the carbon-rich sugars the trees make through photosynthesis.” She further discovered that webs of root and fungi are threaded throughout forests floors which (by tracing DNA in root tips) link every tree in a forest regardless of specie.

“Carbon, water, nutrients, alarm signals, hormones can pass from tree to tree through these subterranean circuits.” Resources are observed to flow from the oldest [senior?] and largest trees to the youngest and smallest. A network of signals generated by one tree can notify other trees nearby of danger. Trees in their final stage of life bestow a substantial share of its nutrients to its healthy neighboring trees. Simard attributes these ‘behaviors’ to “perception” explaining that “trees sense nearby animals and plants and alter their behavior accordingly.” Many in the scientific community disputed her conclusions wondering why trees of different species would assist other species at their own expense - a benevolence that seemed contradictory to Darwinian evolution. This suggestion by Simard of ‘inter-specie-dependence’ stoked intense debate of old: “Is cooperation as central to evolution as competition?”

Simard sees the world as intricately bound by “infinite biological pathways” whereby species are “interdependent like yin and yang”. What was her conjecture is now fairly well accepted, that “resources travel among trees and other plants connected by mycorrhizal networks which Simard likens to the human brain. For sure, many questions remain to be investigated and substantiated, not the least of which is “why resources are exchanged in the first place especially when those trees are not closely related.” Toby Kiers, a professor of evolutionary biology at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam suggests that although we can objectively observe how plants benefit from intricate networking, that what is missed is “the constant struggle to maximize each plant’s individual payoff.” He sees this ‘sharing’ of nutrients as complex trades and deal making, classic ‘give and take’ that includes embargoes and bribes and can lead to conflict among plants.

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Nonetheless, this understanding of trees as social creatures can inform our future, not only in grasping the vitality and value of forests to humans, but also appreciating what can be learned from this knowledge and applied to our lives. Or, as Simard states, “There aren’t even separate species. Everything in the forest is the forest.”

PANDEMIC DIARY

HAVE YOU NOTICED?
December 7, 2020

[Please take a moment. On this date in 1941, the Japanese Air Command attacked the United States Naval Base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, killing 2,403 Americans including 63 civilians. As of yesterday evening, more than 283,700 American lives have been taken by Covid-19. On December 3, over 2,857 human beings died directly from Covid or Covid-related risks factors. That translates to more deaths than a Pearl Harbor every day; a 9/11 attack each and every a day; and, three times the highest number of single day deaths from Polio in 1952.]

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This morning I woke up, swung my feet around, slipped on my sweats, slid into my slippers, ambled my way to the bathroom, traipsed to the toilet, strolled to the sink and washed my face, brushed my teeth, got my arm caught in the sleeve stretching on my hoody and stumbled downstairs while my eyes played a game of “they’re opened; now, they’re closed”. It was not a good night. I went to bed at 10-, awoke at 11:30 and could not fall back to sleep. So, I went to Alex’ room and turned on the television which, next to Melatonin, is the best sleep aid ever invented. I eventually returned to bed at 2:30 AM and slept fitfully until 6 AM.

Still dark, I dragged my weary, half-awake body downstairs to the living room and collapsed on the couch. a I opened my eyes and there, poised on our coffee table not two feet from my eyeballs, stood a sculpture of a dancing woman. She has been dancing there for years. Sculpted by a dear friend, Will, who has since deceased, I took a closer look than I had for a very long time. Hand sculpted, the lady stands about 18” high. Actuancelly, she’s not standing. She is twirling, one leg on toe point and the other arched around the straight leg to emphasize the movement. Will was a painter and we often spoke of art: what it is, from where it derives, art’s purpose, and what’s not art. Will was adamant about art and the creative life.

When Will died, I was invited to his home where his children and extended family were staying while deciding how to divvy up stuff and what to keep and what not. I was there with another of Will’s closest friends, and the family was gracious enough to separate what they wanted and offered that we each select one or two of Will’s paintings for memory’s sake. I selected two paintings. We stayed a while longer and gracefully indicated our departure to allow the family to get on with their work, when I spotted the dancing lady sculpture. Not a particularly commanding piece, it nonetheless had Will’s hands all over it. I walked around this statuette and thought, “Would it now be impolite, even insulting, to ask for this piece? Maybe I should offer to give one of the paintings back?” I felt forced to make a sudden decision at the door. I turned around, returned a couple of steps back into the living area, and humbly asked if this was an item they wished to keep for themselves. Everyone of the family member’s gestured, “No. If you like it, please, take it.”

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She is no doubt a bit “twerky” in her movement. At certain angles she appears as if she desperately requires a hip replacement. I understand the depicted attitudes and personalities of ballet instructors portrayed in film. Even I, at moments, want to scream, “Stand up straight. Bring your right arm up. For God’s sake, point your toes.” She bulges in places like a tumescent growth. And, I always feel as if her one foot will not support her for a moment more.

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Still, I find her lovely. She strikes me as being in upright repose. She is moving in space with relaxed sleepiness almost. Its not that she doesn’t care, she does. Its that she is dreamily spinning, like all and everything is whirling - our atoms; the planets; stars in space; the whole of space as we know it is spiraling. No wonder she is dizzy, off-balance, maybe trying to recapture her stasis. Maybe she is simply ecstatic.

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By his hand. Dear will. A human being I so loved and admired. Flawed and brilliant. Annoying and talented. Wise and incredibly prideful. By his hand. I thought about the other items we have in our home. Have I looked at them recently? Have I really taken notice? Do I take the time to enjoy their presence in my life? Do I recall what they meant to me at point of purchase and what they mean for me now? Indeed, I do.

PANDEMIC DIARY

It’s Hour Come Round
December 2, 2020

Sunday was the 100th Anniversary of the publishing of William Butler Yeat’s damned perfect poem, “The Second Coming”. Written in 1919, following “The War To End All Wars”, the poem reflects the dire, apocalyptic recycling of dread, chaos, and pain. Would you indulge me my interpretation and suggestion of current relevance as I welcome your analysis in return? And, do go online to hear the spoken poem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY2oIsA4c7k. There is also a Youtube of Williams Butler Yeats reciting the poem which has a disturbing animated lip synch, but if you shut your eyes you will hear the best version of the poem.

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The Second Coming
by William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

First, the title. One might think that an Irish Catholic would be referring to the second coming of Christ. However, what we know of Yeats is that he was not religious, was more of a modernist and today might be considered a humanist. Furthermore, he offers in the second stanza a quite varied vision, not one in which Christ returns and we are redeemed, rather a ‘rough beast’ to bring some unknown future.

“Turning and turning…”, the poem opens with a vision of a ‘widening gyre’ or spiral that instead of funneling downward is spiraling upward and outward, more like a tornado Yeats likens this to the falcon which, on the hunt, flies in ever-expanding circles with its keen eyes scoping and surveying the ground in search of prey yet always alert to the instructions of the falconer. Yet, in Yeats world the gyre is, thusly, out of control., such that the falcon that is so distant can no longer see or hear the falconer. The partnership has been severed.

Why? This vision of upheaval and chaos reflected the world Yeat’s lived in ‘reeling’ out of control (a usage that will repeat itself later in the poem), what with the final end of the most destructive war in the history of man; Irish uprisings; Europe in conflagration and splintering apart. He saw the world as not able to get worse - all relationships among man were crumbling and systems and institutions were falling apart. Lawlessness and destruction and a tidal wave of blood and coagulation have settled in. And thus, “the center will not hold”, that finite point around which the spiral circles and holds fixed becomes weakened and the internal structure begins to crumble. This term was repeated in the military to describe how, if the flanks begin to weaken, the center’s hold of powerful forces will eventually be ripped apart.

And, in the midst of all this bloody calamity, without leadership, cohesion, or any sense of binding principle, all opposition, for good or for evil, is meaningless…and “mere” [total] anarchy is “loosed” or unleashed upon the world. “Innocence is drowned” [positioned nicely here following ‘tide’ in the previous sentence) in the din of upheaval. And, then in one of the greatest lines ever in all of poetry, “The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.” We surely witness this today as violent fervor spreads just like the virus laying in wait in the background of our lives. It may be true that intensity can be a disguise for conviction, but in the end it is the passionate who prevail. Maybe because the ‘best’ or good people become despondent and near giving up. And, evil can be a passion. Because evil doers love the terror and chaos and are striven to and hungry for power. While the good do nothing.

All this is precursor. And, Yeats, cleverly uses the instinctive analogy of Biblical revelation and the Second Coming. But, he quickly instructs us that he is dubious about the whole thing. He begins the first two sentences of the second stanza with the word “Surely” which can be interpreted as either ‘will definitely happen’ or, more than likely, is a question inferring that things can get hardly worse. The repetition of the word strongly infers his doubt that things will get better. Yeats, uses the word “revelation” as derived from the Greek, its application here referring to an apocalypse and more directly suggestive of an ‘opening’ or re-birth. A new world order. And so he repeats in the beginning of the second stanza. “The Second Coming” imploring us to share with him the “spiritus mundi”, his world-view, a kind of universal consciousness or collective unconscious (influenced by Carl Jung?). But, be aware, this world “troubles my sight” and is both creative and destructive, with barren wastelands and beasts coming to life whose expressions are empty and lacking empathy or condolence, like the blank stare of the sun.

This imagery is made more ominous with the allusion to the desert, both barren and lifeless. Added to which, flying about are “desert birds” or vultures circling awaiting ‘death’. What is dying? Humanity? Civilization? Reason? Suddenly, Yeats declares ‘enough already’ when “The darkness drops again” and some power of knowing that has slept for “twenty centuries” or two thousand years has been vexed and will awaken (again a reference to Christ born in a cradle around this time). But, what is awakening is a “rough beast”. Not Christ? Or Christ vexed and annoyed at what we have made of this world? Or, possbily the anti-Christ (Satan?), for his time has come…”at last”.

Finally, we see the beast “slouching” and creature-like posture. I feel this infers a return to earlier forms of human existence. In any case, it i “slouching to Bethlehem” the birthplace of Christ, again suggesting and alluding to a second coming “to be born. Yeats, does not seem to be promoting the Christian idea of being ‘saved’ or of ‘heaven’ as reward, but a re-birth that may give man another chance…or not. I sense he is leaving to the reader to determine what humanity deserves.

My sense is that if Yeats lived today hardly a word to this most extraordinary poem would need to be changed. This has been a labor of love. Mine is a singular attempt to attack and understand this poem. There are infinite ways to understand this poem for yourselves. If you are interested in sharing some of those ideas I would welcome them.

PANDEMIC DIARY

“DID WE ALREADY HAVE IT?”
November 26, 2020

I have previously written about my favorite comic strip, “Peanuts” by Charles Schultz. Schultz did not simply write comic strips that made you laugh, they also made you think, reflect, and even cry…or at the very least SIGH! He was an existential philosopher. His characters ran the metaphysical and mental health gamut - rational, profound and neurotic. His crew of children all had out-sized brains given the size of their heads and overgrown hearts given their small chest cavities. They were bulging with adult thoughts and feelings. We were able to laugh at the lingering hurts of our own childhoods as Charlie Brown and friends accepted our burden and dealt with the weight of the world bringing child-like innocence that concluded in hefty dialogues and debates and sometimes disturbing developments.

My all-time favorite Peanuts cartoon is an interaction between Schroeder, the deeply prudent piano player, and the smugly superior Lucy.

Lucy: “Do you think that there are good days and bad days?”
Schroeder: (preoccupied with his piano tinkling) “Yeah”

Lucy: “Do you think that there are better days and worse days?”
Schroeder: “Mmm”

Lucy: “Do you think that there is one day that’s better than all the rest?”
Schroeder: “I guess”.

Lucy: “What if we already had it?”

What follows are particularly relevant meditations containing themes you most likely have pondered at one time or another during 2020:

I gave up trying to understand people long ago. Now I let them try to understand me!” Snoopy


— “I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.” Charlie Brown

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“Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.” Charles M. Schultz


Linus: "What's wrong, Charlie Brown?"
Charlie Brown: "I just got terrible news. The teacher says we're going on a field trip to an art museum; and I have to get an A on my report or I'll fail the whole course. Why do we have to have all this pressure about grades, Linus?"
Linus: “Well, I think that the purpose of going to school is to get good grades so then you can go on to high school; and the purpose is to study hard so you can get good grades so you can go to college; and the purpose of going to college is so you can get good grades so you can go on to graduate school; and the purpose of that is to work hard and get good grades so we can get a job and be successful so that we can get married and have kids so we can send them to grammar school to get good grades so they can go to high school to get good grades so they can go to college and work hard . . ."
Charlie Brown: "Good grief!"

Linus: "Look out!! Ha! Now you've done it! Now you've broken a lamp, and you've got no one to blame it on but yourself!"
Charlie Brown: "Maybe I could blame it on society!"

Linus: "Nothing goes on forever. All good things must come to an end . . ."
Charlie: “When do the good things start?"

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“No problem is so big or so complicated that it can't be run away from!”

— “Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.” - Charlie Brown

— “Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about . . . That always worries me!” - Charlie Brown

"The worst part of it is you don't know if he's barking at an owl, the moon or a burglar!"
"That's one of the drawbacks of a limited vocabulary!" Charlie Brown about Snoopy

— “It always looks darkest just before it gets totally black.”

— “Never worry about tomorrow, Charlie Brown. Tomorrow will soon be today, and . . . today will be yesterday! I always worry about the day after tomorrow!" - Charles M. Schulz

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PANDEMIC DIARY

ON THIS DAY
November 25, 2020

It has been a bit of a dark time for me. I did not recognize immediately its depth of physical penetration and its generalized affect. I was not so much depressed as befuddled and bewildered. My thinking clouded, my mind and body sluggish. A diffuse, unidentifiable fatigue. A lethargy of will. Like I wanted out. But, out of what? I’m reminded of my nine or ten year old self who didn’t want to go to school, so I would place the tip of my household thermometer on a light bulb and had to be clever enough to not allow it to reach a temperature in excess of 108F. And, now, even when there is no need to cover up, no need to falsify, I still feel the need to explain myself. Or, maybe I don’t. Maybe you feel the same??? Four years has simply been enough. More than enough.

Just this morning, Adele said to me over coffee that she hadn’t felt this light and clear-headed for some time. Whew! In that moment I felt self-justified. Seen, even if it was seen by my own inner gazing. The recent election ascertainment has lifted me. Bearing witness to a stage of real public servants, intelligent and articulate people, who come with professional provenance and leadership recognition and years and years of experience, their appearance alone instilled in me a hope for our future despite all the challenges ahead.

And, what an appropriate time for this to occur. Tomorrow being Thanksgiving. I am reminded of all that I am grateful for. And, to you all I say Happy Thanksgiving. Have a most rewarding day filled with love and laughter and good food.

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PANDEMIC DIARY

WHAT DO WE TALK ABOUT?
November 14, 2020

"What do we talk about?”

“What do you mean”

“I mean, ‘what do we talk about’ when our President elect becomes President. Today, I am meeting with Marla and tomorrow I see Edna, Val and Cheryl. I’ve pretty much gotten over the fact that we will have a transition, and that the next 60 days will be disruptive, hopefully in some less than disastrous way,
and that there will be work to do and other causes to advocate for, but the fear and anticipation, the loathing and acrimony is already fading in noticeable ways - my shoulders are not up by my ears; my heart rate seems to have slowed; and, I see you, my husband, not as some onstage prop where the star actor is always center stage and screaming at the top of his lungs. No, the “Star” is gruffly walking offstage never to return, leaving me to realize who the male lead was all along. My hero. For the first time in four years, I wondered what my girlfriends and I will talk about now that the Orange Bogeyman is almost done with.”

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“What did you talk about before the scoundrel took office.”

“That’s what I was attempting to recall. Maybe nothing much at all. Maybe it didn’t matter. We love being together, feeling that connection, laughing at the silliest of remarks, sympathizing about a loss, lauding an accomplishment, cheering each on through one of life’s many obstructions and challenges.”

“Well, you can still contribute all those aspects of yourself.”

“Yes, I know. But it still feels as if some air has been let out. Like a late night television host who has lost the object of his or her ire, lost the set up, lost the punchline and is left having to make jokes about Harry and Meghan. What will ‘HO-HUM’ feel like?

“By ‘HO-HUM’, I’m guessing you mean NORMAL?” And, normal is EASE. And EASE…is, well…normal.” Or should be.”

“I think I can accept that. But, in time. I would like to see normal return, but only after retribution. I want to be witness to a reckoning, an elongated, financially bankrupting, ego-costly, humiliating bloodletting, a family breakdown, incarceration, a popular rejection, a comeuppance, a public pummeling…ending…in…an ‘altering’..available on CNN.”

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“How lady-like of you.”

“And, we need to remember that normal cannot mean indifferent or disinterested or apathetic. Ease is the culmination of hard work, the ability to let go following purposeful intention. We can no longer be complacent.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

(she becomes pensive) “You know, you were right.

“Oh, Yeah?”

“Yes. Now I am at ease. And, all feels normal. Thank you. I didn’t know what to think about this situation. You were a big help.”

“But, I…I didn’t say…”

(she kisses me) “You’re a dear.” (she leaves and on the way out)

“But, I, didn’t…”

{DISCLAIMER: The scene is wholly fiction; the characters made up. This was not an actual conversation)

PANDEMIC DIARY

TO BE AWAKENED

November 6, 2020

To Be Awakened

When sleep slips into memory, and
the nocturnal fog of fantasy has lifted, Atlas
undertakes to lift the world, once again
to bear up and brace its weight upon
his shoulders.

Beginning another day asks so much
of us: to rake the pig shit into piles; to
reconcile endless implacable numbers; to
slap peanut butter onto white bread at 6AM; to
protect children from animus and assault.

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Who wouldn’t want to dream…the fruitless
barren drift, never laying anchor or pulling into
port…hovering, descrying dangling dimensions where
reality renders not in this realm, where humans can pretend
to be Gods.

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Cataclysm can cause retreat. Who hasn’t ignored
their children’s pleas? When did you last bathe in Epsom
Salts? Or, prepare your own Mac n’ Cheese rather than
that stuff in a box? Pulling out has its price; a haven is not
Heaven.

That “…the forces of destruction no longer needed the shelter
of the dark”(*) emboldened a contingent of calamitous
charlatans to pierce the veil of norms and
rationality, to threaten a society under undue
pressure to seek solutions.

Our savior evolved from crumbs of bankruptcy and
Big-Mac’s - a sad, pathological narcissist without
compunction or care. Graduating from ‘Mein Kampf U’,
tutored by Professor Roy Cohen, and supported by
vacuous legions with much…or nothing…to hide.

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No autocrat survives rose gardens or oval rooms
’in perpetuum’. You either step nobly down, or
stumble and fall without garlands and wreathes.
Anxiously we await for doves. Anxiously we await
to be awakened.

  • “…the forces of destruction no longer needed the shelter
    of the dark”. from “Shalimar The Clown” by Salman Rushdie

PANDEMIC DIARY

POOH LA LA!

November 5, 2020

While writing my October 28 blog post, “Because I remember”, I forgot. I forgot to include a memory that makes me laugh every time I think of it…except I forgot to include it. The nice thing abut blogging is that I can clean up an oversight by writing about it. And, this demands its own space. Problem solved.

It took place in France. Adele and I were in Dordogne. We had a house for a month near the village of Sarlat. The Dordogne, a department in the Southwest of France, is sometimes referred to as “le Perigueux” after its most famous town, Perigord. That should give you a hint as to what the Dordogne is famous for: truffles; pate de foie gras; duck and goose; and walnuts. The French also know it as the most stalwartly traditional region in France. When you are in Dordogne, you eat as a Dordognian. This is a hearty, rustic, authentic area whose heritage is reflected in the food, topography and its people. Let us not forget fairy-tale castles and grandly majestic chateaus, often hidden by morning mist that sits upon the turrets and towers like frail, wafting cotton puffs flowing down the Dordogne river.

To further pursue and absorb the regional customs and pleasures, I made a reservation at a restaurant on a most picturesque canal in a small, nearby village. Located in a historic building, the dining room was decorous yet not staid - a balance of propriety and a casual air. We were greeted graciously and brought to our table overlooking the waterway and seated.

The waitstaff was clad in one of the many service outfits typically associated with French waiters, as you see in the picture below.

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The menus and wine list were presented for our examination and the waiter departed to allow us time to review the menu. When he returned it was with pen and pad in hand ready to discuss preferences, answer any questions and take our order. Our waiter was young and conversational with halting English and heavily French-accented. Still, he communicated well, was prepared to respond to our inquiries being thoroughly familiar with the menu’s offerings and seeing that we were prepared to order lifted and readied his pad and pen for us to convey our evening’s culinary selections.

However, before we could articulate our choices, the young man, deadpan and enigmatically took two steps back from the table, and while still facing us, let out,

“BRRRFFFFFPPPPPPHHT”

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a rip-roaring fart. And, then, as if time stood still for those seconds, the waiter stepped back to the table with the same non-expression, pad and pen on the ready, and stood there…waiting to take our order. The waiter was so surprisingly casual upon his return, uncannily poised, and totally self-forgiving, like someone with crime-related amnesia, that we, too, simply went with the ‘pooh’ and placed our order.

Never had we needed to refrain so wholeheartedly from laughing at a truly comical moment. That we didn’t break into fits of hysterical laughter was testimony to the young man’s poise, so seamless was he in the execution of his duties. Dinner over, we paid our bill, thanked the staff and bid farewell. The moment we stepped out onto the street, Adele and I peed in our pants with laughter.