PANDEMIC DIARY
A HOME SO NEAR - SO FAR
March 17, 2022
Adele and I moved into our home in Jan. 1999. A middle class neighborhood, the house was modest and what we could afford at the time. I wanted more land, but my eyes were often grander than what I could put on the plate. And, with 8-year old Alexander in tow, Adele was wise in insisting we move to a neighborhood where there were other children. I acquiesced, needless to say, knowing she was right despite my public demonstrations of shoulder shrugs and frowning dismay. We do not have a large backyard, but to our advantage we are bordered on two sides by community buffer zones which requires twice the separation from one community to the adjacent community.
Nonetheless, just on the other side of our house is another in the Spring Valley community. In the summer when the trees and shrubbery are in full display there is a layer of green shielding that prevents us from seeing our neighbor. In winter, the opposite is true and we can see the comings and goings of the owners, now elderly and frail. The wife appears to be restricted to a wheel chair. The husband, Jim, is likely 90+ years old and is stooped over in parabolic curvature like the arc of a vaulting dolphin.
I first met Jim when we moved into the house. He was immediately cordial but, as well, demanded a level of familiarity I had no desire to reciprocate. I found it strange that our inaugural conversation began with Jim telling me his age. I stood there hardly knowing what to say. I mean anyone who is 70, 71, 72 years old and brings his age into the conversation clearly did not expect to live as long as he had. Each subsequent meeting, by the fence separating our properties, elicited a chronological update as if his still being alive was a miracle of miracles. Jim was never at a lack for words having three children and wanting to tell anybody who would listen where they are and what they are doing in great detail. These stories could go on for a half-hour or forty-five minutes without his asking about me or my family. However, I dutifully listened wanting not to appear averse to his chumminess.
I sense that Jim has been old even before he got old. I was listening to someone talking about some earlier time in his life as if hypnotized down to the glazing, far away stare. An ethereal memory for his historical catalogue. I think his past has always been crucial to his present. He had no life that I could see. That leaves you with remains. He and his wife were persistent homebodies. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw he and his wife going someplace other than Harris Teeter. And now, given their conditions, they go nowhere except when driven to the doctor.
There is full-time day care for Jim’s wife. Helpers are in and out, wheeling her outside to sit on their deck, helping Jim around the house, and other chores I prefer not to imagine. They certainly do not need my help. But, as a neighbor, one who stopped meeting Jim at the fence nearly two decades ago, I wonder if it would be nice one day to bring over a box of biscuits. Maybe I should call out to Jim when I see him on his deck. What do I say? “How y’a doing”? I can only imagine what the pair go through on an average day. What real relief do I have to offer? What words do I have to offer?
I am guessing there is some biblical reference I could source for an answer to my behavior. Probably Emily Post once wrote an advice column on the subject. Or, possibly, The Ethicist, from The New York Times could help. For the moment, I am happy for them satisfied that their needs are being met. That selfishly relieves me of any sense of responsibility…or guilt. But, I shouldn’t have to like my neighbors to be neighborly. Should I?
———————————————————-
I saw a really perfect, small movie last night with Adele. It is called “About Time”. The premise is absurd. And, yet… The protagonist is one of the Weasley brothers from Harry Potter, along with Rachel McAdams who is the apotheosis of sweetness and beauty, and Bill Nighy, who can do no wrong in my book. A sci-fi, fantasy romantic comedy whose charm is irresistible. And, whose message will make you tear and make you cheer. Catch it on Netflix.