PANDEMIC DIARY

WHEN I’M 64…NOT!
June 21, 2021

Who would deny the absolute genius of Lord Paul McCartney? At the age of 16 he wrote with utmost intuition and prescience the lyrics and music to “When I’m 64”. But, what if he wrote the lyrics to the song, “Now I’m 75”. How would those lyrics track? I wondered about this just moments ago when I stepped out onto my screened-in porch to read my book and smoke a celebratory Father’s Day cigar. With wooden match in hand I stroked and stroked and could not get the match to light. Realizing that I was attempting to light the match on the ‘box’ side of the box and not the ‘striking surface’, I contorted my face in mild self-revulsion while reversing the box to expose the rough, gravely striking surface, but unconsciously also reversed the match so that I was stroking the striking surface with the wooden end of the match. Only then should you have seen the face I made.

Have you ever wanted to cry at your own stupidity? That’s when I thought about revising the song lyrics to the classic opus, “When I’m 64”.

[The audio of the song is just below…lyrics follow.}

When I get older
losin’ my mind
A few days on from now
Will I still remember my address at home?
Will they find me out on a roam?

If I imagined
my tub was a boat
splashin’ while I dive
Would you then scold me?
Would you just hold me?
Now I’m seventy-five.

I could cook a dinner
Make you peppermint tea
And rub your back at night
Then I’d fall asle-ee-ee-p, sle-ee-ee-p
When I wake I would say ‘good day’
Fond memories you’d have to keep.

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We could watch T.V.
Home on our screen
I’d kiss you in the dark
I could light a fire; we could watch the sparks
Making love like two little larks.

If we got lost
Climbing Jiminy peak
How might we survive?
Would you then chide me
Or would you guide me
now I’m seventy-five.

If I slipped my pants on
back to front all the time
And asked you the time of day
While reading your historie-ie-ies; ie-ie-ies.
I would pour you a glass of wine
And serve you on my knees.

———————————————————————————

We could still travel
Here and abroad
For many years to come
We could take a cruise along the Isle of Mann
I would cool you down with a fan.

You would remember
All that we did
While I was alive
Will you recall me
when life befalls me
Now I’m seventy-five?