PANDEMIC DIARY
THE PRIVILEGED MUST PARTAKE
JULY 2, 2021
When Alex was a child, maybe five or six, Adele and I decided to teach him about kindness, generosity, and care for others. Yes, teach. Other than modeling desirable behaviors and attitudes as best we could, we felt that there existed a part of society where lessons learned deserved to be witnessed rather than merely described. We wanted Alex, by first-hand experience, to realize and appreciate that not everyone lives the life he is living. We set upon this educational, experiential pursuit during which we would expose and introduce Alex to those less fortunate without, of course, frightening him, or depressing his life’s outlook. In New York City, it was not difficult to discover examples of how unfortunate and unfair life can turn out - homelessness, PTSD, hunger, mental illness, etc.
At the time, we were not by any means rich or well-to-do. We were not what one would call ‘financially privileged’. Both employed, I was making a modest income and Adele was doing very well in her consulting business. Yet, we were still aware that Alex had everything a child could need: he was always exceedingly well fed; always had a roof over his head; wore clothing that was new and when worn replaced; lived in a New York suburb; was provided toys and tools for learning, and had resources that supported his well-being. Maybe the simpler way of saying it is that he was never wanting or lacking.
That reality, the mere presence of, if not abundance, adequacy might be for many or most a state of privilege. That is not to say that middle America escapes the anxiety of monthly bills or surprise expenses, and the burden of wondering how to grow their ssets and make life more manageable. But, there is a difference between struggle and needing to contend with deprivation. It is one thing to live within a plan and adhere to a strict budget. Quite another to be destitute, merely surviving having to wonder where the next morsel of food will be found.
It was winter, and the three of us were walking along the streets of the upper West Side of NYC when we came across a homeless person who was asking for money. We encouraged Alex to ask the man if he was hungry. I held his hand as we approached and Alex muttered the question in a somewhat shy and garbled manner. The man said he was hungry and Alex and I told him we would be right back. We stepped into a nearby delicatessen and together order a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips, an apple, and a drink. If I am not mistaken, we also purchased a muffin for dessert. We brought back everything in a large paper bag and Alex gave it to the man. The gentleman smiled in appreciation and thanked us both although looking solely into Alex’ eyes. We wished him well and moved on. To this day Alex remembers that episode.
I questioned this within a very short time of our arrival on Martha’s Vineyard. The morning after our landing on the island and somewhat settling in we decided to take a walk into Edgartown, the nearest village to our rental, about 4 1/2 miles round-trip as the crow flies. It was a lovely walk with brief views of ponds and marshes from the walking path alongside a major road into town.
Along the way and in the winding streets of shops and restaurants we alternately nodded, smiled, said good mornings, to complete strangers who mutually acknowledged our being here together enjoying what is special about Martha’s Vineyard. One woman in particular, caught our eyes, because our eyes were captured by her momentary flicker of acknowledgment, like the pressing of the shutter of a singe reflex camera, the quick flick of the shutter that contains all the information in the lens. We passed one another and Adele and I mentioned how friendly and open she was. After perusing the town, we went to have coffee at ‘Behind the Bookstore’ - a local, ‘secret garden’ location…behind the local bookstore…that had a long line of “first cuppers of the day”. And who was sitting there, but the woman we had passed and to whom we said good morning. We smiled at our second meeting and she asked if we knew each other. We chatted for easily fifteen minutes before finding a perfect table for two in the corner, as I stood on line to get served.
Cappuccinos in hand, we lingered happily while at the table alongside sat a vivacious lady who just greeted a young woman outfitted in tight exercise pants and a cut-off shirt who clearly was as fit as she was attractive. Upon her departure, the woman addressed us revealing that the young woman was Peliton’s # 1 instructor. She was one of the original exercise instructors and was gifted shares of the company’s stock which has made her very well off, to say the least. The woman was so friendly and generous of nature. We talked about the Vineyard, changes over the years, local traditions, the influx of ‘new’ people, etc, until it was time to leave. We shared parting words and warm smiles.
On our walk home, it struck me how sincerely friendly people were to us. Chatty. Spontaneous. Interested. But, I felt a tinge of sadness, wondering what it would take for those so privileged to step outside their own lives [our lives] of comfort to not simply acknowledge but act on behalf of needs of those a whole lot less fortunate. Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t know if they do or don’t declare or concede the reality outside their world. I also wish to confess that Adele’s and my world have changed to bring to bear further questions about how to impel ourselves to work on behalf of people otherwise so easily forgotten.
The point is that no matter how difficult it is for us, and now I am not only talking about Adele and I, who have striven and worked hard to build our futures into a present day level of comfort and satisfaction, we feel compelled to not forget what the world is like outside our privileged bubble. Adele and I are privileged now for sure, but I realize we were privileged even back when. Our ‘normal’ middle class upbringing was still privileged. Our years of personal and professional struggle were privileged. Privilege is actually more the absence of struggle rather than the presence of ease. And now the responsibility falls harder on us to take stock of all that we have accomplished in the larger context of greater societal needs and how we may be a part of positive change.
I am not saying we are responsible for what is happening all around us. But, we are responsible for asserting and claiming our Present that will become our kid’s future. Neither is it guilt that drives me to simply declare the more subtle ways I have been less available, more passive as a result of our abundance and prosperity. This is natural. It takes conscious effort, like the walk in the streets of New York, to allow oneself to ‘see’, to combat complacency, to overcome satisfaction and contentment on behalf of something more deeply gratifying and rewarding. I concede and affirm that I will work harder. There is much work to be done.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY AND HAVE A GREAT LONG WEEKEND.