PANDEMIC DIARY

“AT-ONE-MENT”

September 27, 2020

“Why, in God’s name, would they request I speak at synagogue? Years ago, I received an email from the rabbi asking if I would address the congregation on Yom Kippur, the highest holy day on the Jewish calendar. This must be a mistake I thought. I am effectively worse than a non-practicing Jew. I have no use for religion. I am more closely related to heathen than human. Who possessed this bright idea to have me speak? Like I was an expert? Did they think that I needed to repent for my extensive sin-making, and this was a sneaky way of me addressing my character flaws? Or, did they think that upon researching for this address I would discover some gem of insight and commit myself to ‘davening’ [praying] and daily recitation of liturgical prayers.

At the time of the request I am guessing I was in my early sixties. Not even an elder, quite yet. I gave annually to the synagogue, but was not a large institutional donor. Yet, the email said, words like, “to fulfill an honor”. I was being honored. Evidently, it is an honor to stand at the bima [pronounced bee’ma], or the raised area [podium] in front of the synagogue, while the Arc is opened and the Torah Scrolls removed. Worse than the idea of delivering an address to a congregation of Jews, who although were mostly not devout themselves, were Jews who at least practiced and some who attended synagogue weekly, was the idea of being bestowed this honor and facially and physically not betraying the indifference I felt while standing in front of the congregation.

My singular salvation was approaching this task like a scholar, delving deeply into inference, and suggestion, and interpretation and coming out with a new way of viewing the significance of this holiest of days. A view that I could get behind with all sincerity so that my expression and body language would not forsake me.

I promise to keep this brief just in case I am losing you already. Yom Kippur is a day in which God decides the fate of every Jew on Earth. How god knows who is Jewish and who is not is a mystery. So, before the arrival of this judgement, as it were, it makes sense to run to synagogue and say in the Hebraic equivalence, “Oy!, God, did I fuck up this year. I want to make amends and ask for your forgiveness for all the sins I committed this past year.” Cynical, you say? More sarcastic. But, in this day and age of wanting things fast and brief, it must be comforting to note that instant repentance has been around for the ages.

Literally, Yom Kippur translates to “Day of Atonement”. A day in which you receive absolution for the mistakes made. A kind of clearing of the emotional and spiritual house so you can move on with your life. And, then I saw it. It was right in front of me. Staring me right in the face. A concept I could get behind. If you simply broke down the work ‘atonement’ it revealed what it truly means.

‘At-One-Ment’

The true purpose behind Yom Kippur and most other acts, religious or otherwise, of forgiveness is so that the individual no longer has to live divided. The person is “at one’ with him or herself. That sense of living and being a vital part of the universe and nature and how and why it and we exist is why we ‘clear the slate’. And, forgiveness starts at home - the ability to forgive ourselves is the hardest lesson to learn. Each day we can practice forgiveness…starting with ourselves. Therein lies peace and satisfaction, gratitude and, of course, love.

The address went well and was received with polite applause. But, when the rabbi said, “I never quite thought of it that way”, I thought B-I-N-G-O. I was a scholar.

“May your name be sealed [inscribed] in the book of life”.