PANDEMIC DIARY

July 13, 2020

Why am I writing an online diary during this Covid-19 pandemic? I am alone. I feel alone. Why do I feel alone? The word ‘isolated’ comes to mind. I am physically isolated. Ahh, maybe its not the isolation. Might the better word be ‘restricted’. We are not isolated in the strictest sense, and certainly not according to penal code, surrounded by four concrete walls with only the slightest sliver of light streaking briefly across a cell. Yet, at times, the restrictions make it seem as if our walls are contracting and closing in.

I have noticed that the ‘outside’ is now truly outside. No longer is the outside on the other side of your front door. Now, the outside is on the other side of a considered determination and critical decision. Outside lurk aerosols, droplets, transmission, and Covid, floating on each breath, each exhalation. Living is a possible contaminant. You can be an asymptomatic spreader. You wear a mask and you are a wuss, a pansy, a pushover. You don’t wear a mask and you are dumb, gullible, and contemptuous of experts. As never before, the outside, once the refuge from confinement, is filled with negative potentiality such that we choose to stay home. Who wants to catch what’s out there? We used to rush to be outside; now we rush to get home. We used to yearn to go; now we anticipate our safe return.

Nothing spurs greater self-reflection than solitude. I am more contemplative and gravely pensive in light of current events. I have been asking questions of myself and absorbed with musings wistful, dreamy, sober and serious. Each day, in a sentence or two…OK, maybe three or four. I would like to share these with you and ask you to share what you are thinking about.

Again, I welcome you to the Pandemic Diary.